Learning to Say Goodbye
by Laughingly The Lark
Summary: The Prequel to 'Finding the Boss'


**Learning to Say Goodbye**

_Author's Note: I really was planning to do the next chapter of Special Deluxe Black Leather Portfolio's new life at Major Case, or "Handing off the Torch" as the fic is officially called, but I'm afraid my Law and Order: CI muse is a little distracted by other ideas right now: this prequel and a story based on Bobby's tendency to fiddle with things. I'm afraid both are to going get posted before I get to work in earnest on Handing off the Torch again. Whoever gave the plot bunnies weapons to threaten me with, is so on my bad list. _

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Robert Goren's portfolio was wearing out. His partner Alex knew it, ADA Carver knew it, Captain Deakins knew it, Mike Logan knew it, half 1 Police Plaza knew it, even their latest suspect now knew it, so why, _why_ couldn't Bobby get the point and just buy a new one already? Eames just couldn't figure out what was up with him this time. Denial was not a normal state of mind for Detective Goren, but he was firmly ensconced there now, with the drawbridges up and the barricades firmly in place.

Bobby always seemed to place special importance on the little things in life, but this one seemed to be special somehow. Alex wished she could understand what the portfolio symbolized to Goren. Because with Bobby, like English literature, nothing was just there, just itself, everything had hidden depth, hidden meaning. Usually Alex was the one person that possibly would be given the privilege of being shown the meanings he found in little things in life, but today she had been blocked out, and not allowed access to any of his thoughts.

It was useless trying to convince him any more right now, so Detective Eames settled down for the wait; for either the portfolio to break some more or for a new argument to spring to mind. And in the mean time, she gritted her teeth every time Bobby accidentally dumped papers everywhere and thought up new arguments to release on him next time the subject came up. This was the part of the job, smacking sense into Goren, and she'd be ready when the time was right.

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Goren stared down morosely at the leather folder in his hands. He hated dealing with change, and this portfolio had been such a big part of his life for so long. Eames had gone home at seven, and he'd wandered home eventually as well, although all his notes and papers for his case had wandered with him. Added to the frustration of being unable to find a way to trap the suspect he knew was the murderer, was the problems with his portfolio, he'd managed to annoy Eames, Carver, and Deakins today with papers falling everywhere. There was no denying Eames was right, the portfolio _was_ falling apart, but how would he ever find another one that could replace this one? She was one of a kind.

This portfolio had become a constant in his life, like Wednesdays at Carmel Ridge, afternoons working on cars with Lewis, and seeing Eames sitting across from him at his desk. Stable and steadfast things were a rarity in Robert Goren's life, he'd learned early and painfully that things that were supposed to constant and safe could change, mutate and defy their nature. Parents, childhood, reality, love: all could crumble and be gone in the blink of an eye. What small rhythms and patterns his life did keep he treasured like pearls. And now a large chunk was about to leave again, reminding him that other constants could just as easily slip out of his fingers: His job, his partner, his sanity.

Perhaps someday inanimate objects would be made with the ability to communicate with their humans, but sadly for Bobby Goren and portfolio who called herself Sally Brown, that was not a possibility for them. They were stuck talking to each other without receiving the comfort of hearing the other's thoughts. Particularly Bobby would have been comforted if he had heard Sally's thoughts.

_Cheer up, Bobby boy... We both knew this day was coming. No one lives forever, and humans have a longer lifespan than portfolios. I always knew you'd outlive me, although I admit I didn't expect to retire quite this soon. But detective work is a rough job, and Major Case especially. We've done good work together, put hundreds behind bars. Did you think we'd become such good friends when you first bought me back in Narcotics? We got promoted to Major Case within a few months of working together, and boy was it a rough gig at first, trying to adapt to a new job, new people to work with, especially before Eames. _

_I wasn't sure Eames was any different than the others we'd been through, but she sure stuck through, and eventually adapted into the best partner we could have wished for. I'm glad she's there for you, now I can know you're in good hands when I retire. You really ought to tell her what's really bugging you about getting rid of me. You know you feel much better when Alex knows stuff, even if your extremely private side won't admit it. _

_It'll be okay, I promise. We'll go to work tomorrow, figure out how to trap that jerk into giving himself away, and then Alex and I will talk you into shopping for a new me. I get veto rights though, you hear me? _

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And the expertise of Sally Brown's knowledge was proved, when the next day unfold just as she predicted. The bad guy caught, the boss gave them the rest of the day off, leaving Alex to prod Goren into giving her the name of the store he originally bought his portfolio from.

"Well then, we have time to head over there and start looking for a decent replacement."

"Eames…," he stared at her, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. "We might not find the right kind very easily. I'm kind of particular about what I want…"

"I would never have guessed." she commented dryly. "We're still going."

_I suppose it is time… But don't you think Bobby and I won't be really picky about choosing my replacement, missy! I'm first quality police equipment. You can't just stick any binder into my job and expect the same results! _

Detective Goren reluctantly followed his partner to the parking garage and into the car they'd both taken to work that day. By the time they'd started out of the garage, they'd graduated from short comments to each other on the day to comfortable silence.

_The ride across town is quiet and peaceful, except for Bobby's occasional uncomfortable twitches, and Eames and I hardly notice those anymore. I wish I had hands, and a mouth for that matter. I'd pat his shoulder and tell him everything is going to be alright. He's thinking about how much he dreads this… I'm glad Eames took some initiative, I couldn't have gotten him here by myself, at least not until I was completely dead and then I wouldn't have been able to make sure the newbie was acceptable._

_She's really quiet good for him. It takes humans forever to bond fully, my human more so than others, but they seem to be a very good example of healthy social relationships now. Which is good, because I never have liked that man's choices when it comes to woman. I mean in one way he's the nicest guy you could date, on the other hand as much as he isn't in it purely for sex he never opens himself up for it to be much more. I've always been a little possessive of him, and I can't stand it when the Australian hussy gets after him! But I was actually quite pleased when I realized he was starting to develop feelings for her, other than the respect and protectiveness that have been there from nearly the beginning. She's quite fond of him too, I don't know exactly how deep their feeling run, but someone really needs to push them towards each other a little, they're way to restrained and professional to do anything about it, so they've been driving me nuts for months now with the "are we flirting or aren't we?" day after day. _

_If the NYPD is kicking me out of the service then I have no more reason to encourage their silly rules about fraternization. Like any squad or partnership ever sticks to purely professional relationships! You think any cop is completely objective about the people he works with? You watch a precinct when one of their men has just been taken down, there's not a man, woman, or secretary there that doesn't have dreams about taking out the perp that killed their guy. You don't stay efficient, or even alive sometimes, if you don't bond enough to get into each other's heads sometimes, and that requires at least respect if not friendship. Emotional bonds are emotional bonds whether sex is involved or not. My two, their emotional bonds have been there for years and getting stronger and tighter each day, and I dare you to find one thing that's inappropriate or unprofessional about their work. _

_We're there, and Eames is struggling to find a parking space… My Boss is even more slouched into his seat now. Alex turns to look at him and her lip quirks as she scans him up and down. _

"Up and at 'em, Bobby. It's a tough mission, all those dangerous office products out to get us, but I'll cover you all the way!"

He can't decide whether to be amused at the extra upbeat attitude she's put on to prod him into action, or be annoyed at her.

"I guess we'd better go make our last stand then." he joked back at her.

"Only if I get to be Butch this time… I keep getting stuck as Sundance."

"That's because no one in their right mind would mistake me for a Kid."

She laughs as we head into the store.

_I'm telling you Eames…one of these days you really just need to grab that boy by his lapels and demand that he kiss you. It'd work very nicely, he's very well trained to do what you say on the rare occasion you outright order him into something. Come on! Do you want to leave a poor broken, worn out portfolio's last dreams to flitter away into the sky? Would it hurt the two of you so bad to bump up the turtle pace just a tad so the first kiss happens before I find myself waiting for the garbage collectors? Alright, alright, I'll help you find my replacement first, but then, I insist you at least consider the whole smooching idea… _

_Cops! They're so stubborn. They'd be lost without a sensible inanimate object to manage them… We'd better find a darn good replacement, or who knows what'll happen to my boy if he's left to his own devices… We need someone who can keep on their toes. And they'd better be awfully good at protecting from psychotic blondes too! It's a tough job, and some portfolio has to do it!_

**The End**


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